What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this will be a night to untag.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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