Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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