I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
