i think my mom watched the whole time
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
