even my farts smell like vagina
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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