Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
