Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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