Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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