Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
