I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
