There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
