I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
