C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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