Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
