i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
