I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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