so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
