bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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