she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
