What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
