I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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