and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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