Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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