Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
