Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize