Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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