break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
