Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
