I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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