and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
