My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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