Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
