Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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