I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
