i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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