People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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