The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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