Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
