i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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