the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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