I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
