I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
