She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
