No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
