so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
