there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
