i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
