you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What a dumb baby whore.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
