Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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