Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
