im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
