I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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