I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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