The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize