all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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