you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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