Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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