I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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