Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
