I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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