He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
