I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
