I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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