I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We don't watch enough power rangers
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
