so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
