we're blogging at a bar
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
