yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think pants incapable of making pants work
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
