IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize