so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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