She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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