maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
